That, my friend, is what they call closure.

March 27, 2018

 Don't you hate it when someone doesn't allow you to let your frustration out? Because I do, it drives me mad. If I think or know that I hurt you, intentionally or not, I own up to it and accept that it was my fault and try to make amends. I'll dress up in a stupid costume in front of all your friends and family if it makes you feel better. But if I try for months to apologize and I get radio silence... It's out of my hands at that point. 

 

Let me take you through the story of the guy I didn't choose and who didn't choose me. We met in high school (Cliché), and there was an instant attraction. He found me in the hallway after class and gave me his number and told me to hit him up. Later that day I did, and we started hanging out. We were very comfortable together. People constantly asked if we were dating and I always had to explain to them that we're just friends. I liked him though, a lot, I never told him. So, it hurt so bad when people started coming up to me and congratulating me on us "making it official." It was all over school. It turned out he started dating a girl with the same first name as me, and a lot of people got the details confused. It was a dagger in the heart every time someone got it wrong. Luckily, graduation was right around the corner, and I could never speak to them again. 

 

Well, they lasted a few months and broke up then he called me up. He got a job right by my house, so I started visiting him, frequently. His ex-girlfriend happened to show up one day while I was there, it did not go well. I never saw her, but she saw me with him and did not like what she saw. She called him screaming and later that night tried to hurt herself. We kept seeing each other, never dating. It felt like we were each other's permanent rebound, the person to go to in between relationships, and it killed me. I got him to tell me he loved me once; then I stopped talking to him. I can't explain why I did that; maybe I thought it couldn't get any better than that. He never understood why I felt the way I did about him. It was simple, he was smart, but in a quiet way. He was sexy, and he knew it and didn't seem to care. He was thoughtful. He was adventurous, and he got me to take more chances. But, he always faded away and became a memory, and eventually, memories get diluted down to nothing but fantasy.

 

Eventually, we had another falling out, and I called him a couple of names when I was angry. He told me he never had feelings for me while telling me he cared about me and tried to kiss me. Are caring and lust not feelings? Of course, I felt terrible because apparently, he had said all that to get in my pants? But I also really went off, like Psycho Chic went off. But he, he wouldn't accept my apology (his prerogative), he didn't talk to me for months (also his right, no shame in his game, apparently). But then when he did finally reach out after all that time... He skipped the small talk and went straight to "you might want to get tested." Well, hello to you too pendejo! And that was it. The guy who promised never to fade away was gone again before I could even muster a response. I had already played the cat and mouse game, and I've been both players! I just can't care anymore. If it isn't broke don't fix it, and if it is broken... That sounds like a you problem because I'm done. In the end, I finally got what I was waiting for, my karmic retribution. My chance to tell him to get lost after so many times of pleading with him to stay. His simple "OK" after I told him to get lost did not help my ego, but at least it didn't hurt this time either. So, I'll call that a win. 

  "The hottest love has the coldest end."

-Socrates

 

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