Going to the chapel and we're going to behave because it's not our day!

March 26, 2018

 Let's Get Married

In just over a month from now, I'll have the pleasure of being a bridesmaid in the wedding of one of my dearest friends and her soulmate. They are serious couple goals, and I love them to death. But with that coming up, I just thought it would be fun to write a blog on how to not be remembered at a wedding. Let's be honest we're there to see the bride and groom get married, not to hear a drunk toast or whatever stupid thing anyone else does. 


Who's Wedding is it Anyway?

Now, I'm going off of my wedding, but I didn't invite a lot of my mom's family to my wedding (you'll understand why if you read Betrayal at a Funeral ). It's funny to me how people expect to be invited to everything and have you make THEM feel special. Even after the debacle with the funeral I still let my cousin be a bridesmaid when she asked (the one who wanted to exclude me from everything). I bought her dress for her to make it as easy as possible, I set up the alteration appointment for her; I just asked her to pay for alterations. She never came to pick the dress up. She ditched me again! First, it was a funeral now it's my wedding! And I was out the cost of the dress. Then there were the ones who were invited, but X got their invitation before Y, and I was expected to care. If I told you you're invited and sent you the link but someone else got their physical invite first, who cares? They did, enough to stop talking to me. It's been almost two years. No bride controls the post office, so don't bug a bride about that stuff. Just don't make the bride worry about you on her day. I had to pick one of my bridesmaids up from downtown an hour before we were supposed to be at the venue. In order to make it on time I drove 90 mph the whole time and I had 3 of 4 of my bridesmaids with me. Worst part was when I got to her pickup location she wasn't even there, and then she asked me to stop at McDonald's for her son. A few people almost died.


Be Our Guest

If you're not going to come, GREAT, makes my budget cheaper. But be earnest and let me know. I double checked with ALL of my guests when the final payments were due to make sure they were coming, and I still had two empty tables. The cousins that complained about the order in which the invitations were received were no-shows. So, I had to hear my aunt complain about how she was at a table by herself. All I could tell her is "talk to your children about that." I could have saved so much money had they told the truth, but in their style, they decided to screw me over. That could have been two fewer tables I have to pay for flowers, food, decorations, drinks, favors; all of that stuff is paid per person or table. Talk about rude. 


It's My Party (and I'll Cry if I Want to)

I was going through a tough time around my wedding; I quit my job a month before the wedding because I was physically assaulted and sexually harassed at work and when I reported it management did nothing. Then, I was put on Xanax, and two of my bridesmaids took me out one night, they gave me something, and I ended up getting sexually assaulted. All because my plans weren't fun enough for them. All I wanted for my bachelorette party was a tea party and to go to the city museum. They wanted a traditional bachelorette party, well, it's about the bride! Don't question her lameness! Don't make her feel bad, don't peer pressure her. She'll never have this opportunity again, don't ruin it for her.


You Don't Own Me

Last, I owe you nothing. Ooh you got me a $50 gift off my registry? How sweet, thank you. That does not give you entrance into my personal life now. You don't get to ask when we're going to "make babies." What if we don't want kids, or can't have kids? What if I'm infertile, do you want to hear me talk about whatever reason I can't have kids? Or do you want to hear how we're rocking the headboard every night? Because that would be weird; freak. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your presence and the present and you will get a thank you card, but I'm not making money off this. You are not buying a ticket to ask any question you want. (Although if I sold those at the wedding I probably could have made some money.)


Don't Rain On My Parade

Now, I'm only speaking for myself, but all the types of people listed in this article, I do not talk to anymore at all. Some of them are mad at me because I didn't dedicate any of my wedding time to them or give them a special position, or they got demoted. All I'm saying is don't be that guy or gal, RSVP, show up, bring a gift, don't bring extra people unless you were told you can, and remember it's not your day. Your day will come or has gone. On that day you are a peasant, treat the bride and groom like royalty.


"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet."


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