Someone like you

April 27, 2018

I remember when the song Someone Like You by Adele came out; I thought it was the most stupid song that I had ever heard. I had never dated someone, broke up with them, and thought "yeah I'd like to experience that train-wreck again." I am a big proponent of staying friends with my exes though. This is more of a strategic move on my part. I like to know my flaws so I can improve upon them and I'm not that good at not caring entirely about people I used to be close to; once we're friends or have any relationship, I'm genuinely interested in your life from that point on. 

 

I bring this up because it's so funny to me how people end up with a "type" and they keep dating the same people with the same personality flaws just a new name. That's why I didn't even pick the last guy I dated, I let my boss pick him out for me, and this has been the longest relationship I have ever had. Before him, I had a type: Tall, muscular, light brown hair, Caucasian (sometimes already in a relationship just to make it a little more exciting). Then I met the guy that I am still with to this day. We were both single, he's shorter than I was used to, he's not going to be running any marathons any time soon, and as I've mentioned in other blogs, he's Latino (a first for me). To me, this was the point I was going for; I didn't want to be with someone like the guys I had dated before. Yeah, I thought the other guys were cool and sexy, but he was funny and sweet, and he stayed. There's a lot to be said about staying. I've gone through 4 jobs, many police reports for attempted abductions, one sexual harassment, one rape, and had a convicted killer searching for me since we've been together and he stayed. He even helped get me get out of state when the police told me that it wasn't safe to stay at my house. Now, of course, he could use some emotional training because he does misread me a lot and say the wrong thing all the time but that's my guy.

 

Now let's flip the tape over, the thing that I hate to hear the most in the world is "I've dated other girls, and they didn't respond like that"....then why the hell are you guys not together! You are with me now, so any other person and how they would react is 100% irrelevant. You can call your mom, your dad, your grandma, your barber, your 2nd-grade teacher. They can even agree with me, and I don't give a crap. If I'm upset about something you did and I'm your partner that is ALL THAT MATTERS. How someone else would have responded to the same situation is worth bitcoin in the real world, which will probably be worth as much as Enron stock pretty soon. People need to stop communicating about each other and building up these defenses where they have their friends and family lined up as "expert witnesses" because all that does is serve to humiliate the person you're talking about and create a distance between those people. Third parties can be useful for advice if you go to them together but if only one of you is giving your side then a ton of facts are missing that you might not even know about and you cant tell someone the full story if you don't know the whole story.

 

You will never find someone like me, and I'm not looking for someone like you, changing what I want in life does not mean that I've settled, it means that I've grown up and I'm looking for something more profound and real. I want to drown in love, not flop in your kiddie pool.

 

"Love is a serious mental disease"

-Plato

 

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