No Thank You's

May 1, 2018

My husband and I moved into our apartment a year and a half ago, that's how long I've been listening to him say "we should get a filter for our tap," and I would respond with "do it then." I have never been a "should" person, if something bothers me or there's something I want; you won't hear me complain about it over and over again. So a year and a half later I finally went out, and I got a filter for the tap, and I installed it. I am perfectly fine with tap water. Otherwise, I would have done it sooner; it was the complaining that I couldn't stand. I wish everything could be solved that easily, he's the type to tell you to clean up your plate while you're still eating. He's the clean up as you go type. I'm the "I'll clean up when I'm done type," and no amount of complaining is going to change that. 

If I see something and it bugs me, I just do something about it; I don't announce it to the world that I'm doing it or lecture anyone about it. We're all adults here, legally at least. When I decided to get a new car I told my husband I was getting a new car and had a new car a couple of days later. I got the loan, insurance, and I knew what I wanted. I try not to talk about what I want to do until I'm ready to do something about it. That's why I'm so infuriating and why people infuriate me so much. I tend to leave people out of my decision making processes. I take peoples opinions in to account, but I do not let people make decisions for me, and if you try to decide for me I'll go left when you go right out of spite. Doing things out of spite is not very productive though, so I just do what I need to and tell people afterward now. When I got my car though, I got a Ford because I knew if I got any other make my husbands family would disown me, and I picked the model I did because it was the same as my moms and I had refused her the right to mother-daughter outfits so now we have mother-daughter cars. So, contrary to popular belief I do take peoples feelings and opinions in to account when I make a decision, it's just my opinion is the most important to me because I'm the one who has to live with the consequences.

 

I may be a lone wolf on this one, but I really don't like being thanked for doing nice things for people. For me, it just takes away a little bit of something when people know that I did something for them and they feel like they have to say thank you. I feel like words are nothing a lot of the time because they don't really mean anything when they're not backed up by action. It's the reason why some people think I'm a jerk because when I'm forced to say thank you, it comes out flat and monotone. I like to SEE thank you, as opposed to hearing it, and I usually do. I'm that person that will pay for a strangers meal so that I can see their reaction from across the room. I'll see them smile and be surprised and then I'll leave. That was all the thanks I needed. I'll come home and leave a present for my mom in her office for her to find and my dad and I will play the blame game on who gave it to her (he'll do the same thing too). 

 

Maybe it's just the type of family I grew up in. We're almost uncomfortable with accepting credit for doing nice things, for me, it's because I think this is how we should be treating people anyways. That is why I find it so infuriating when someone expects to be applauded for doing something nice. You want me to commend you for being a decent human being? You want me to say thank you for calling, or for sharing? If you're someone who says that they care about me; I'm sorry, but that should be a given. If I care about you, I'm going to call you and make sure that you have everything you need and provide you with whatever I can and I'm not going to expect for you to say thank you verbally every time I do. It just starts to sound robotic after a while. Sometimes the gratitude is in the details. If my eyes light up at the sight of seeing you or whatever you brought me, that's unspoken gratitude. If I hold on to the item for a while before I put it away, that's unspoken gratitude. If I try to tell you a story related to whatever gesture or gift you just gave me or performed for me that's spoken gratitude on a tangent. But my point is, just like are a thousand ways to say I love you, there are just as many ways to say thank you.

 “We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts.” 

― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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